Random Rant

Me and my Cooked-Up Love Stories

Every time I get into a new space, I like to cook up a love life for myself… a funny story about a husband in the abroad, or a secret lover. I say it with equal parts comedy and seriousness, so people are left wondering if it’s true or not.

In the last six months since I moved to Lagos, I have done it twice. Once, I casually spoke about a husband in Canada. The second time, I said I had a very popular boyfriend who made me sign an NDA so I couldn’t tell anybody about our love. Both times, I told these stories with as much glee as mischief shining in my eyes. And both times I succeeded in making everyone wonder, “Is it true, is it not?”

This isn’t something I sat down and planned. It’s just something I subconsciously began to do to create a safety net for myself. You see, I smile a little too much, and I care a little too much and I’m probably too much of a happy child for someone who is well into her twenties.

I’ve been single for the most part of my life. I hardly ‘fall in love’ but I like people a lot. I mean, the concept of human interactions, friendships, acquaintances, soulful conversations, hearty laughter, vulnerable moments. You will very often find me blushing at the most random times and smiling like a fool.

When I was much younger, this wasn’t much of an issue but as I grew older and everyone started to pair up and become more conscious of ‘love’, I found myself stumbling very often into uncomfortable situations. One smile too much, one kind gesture too much and someone already assumed I was in love with them. I don’t know how best to explain this, but there’s just something about being a single girl in the age group where you’re expected to be actively seeking ‘love’. Every move with the opposite gender becomes suspicious.

My Canadian husband lie lasted me a while. I don’t think they believed me completely but they probably just had the impression that there was something there at least, maybe a long distance relationship or something along the lines. In that period, I felt comfortable to mingle, to be as mischievous as possible, to be as friendly as possible. I didn’t get any awkward looks or suspicious stares. I was free. But my cover was soon blown and the all too familiar routine soon seeped in. The suspicious looks when I smiled a little too much, when I made a joke, when I sat to speak with someone. I have once again become the single girl and every gesture of friendship and camaraderie will now be looked upon as some sort of mating dance.

I hate it so much.

I do want to find love, but I don’t want my pre-love season to be so glazed over with that filter. I don’t want my words and actions to be interpreted through those lenses. I want to be free to sneak under the table, steal somebody’s shoe and run away, and not have people whisper, “Oh, she’s in love with him.”

Do you get?